Good To Be Home...

Hey All,

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm home and feeling pretty ok. They let me go last night and I can't begin to tell you how good it felt to walk in my front door. Well, you can probably imagine. Anyhow, I'm pretty sore and out of it due to all the pain meds, but I wanted to let you all know that your support has been so incredibly empowering and I am sending giant virtual Deb hugs to you all. Thank you for everything. I'll post more when I have my wits back about me.

Love,
Deb

Going Home

Good day today.
Ryan brought Mike & Wendy to visit and it was great for us all to spend some time together.
Ry totally sat between Deb's legs and just hung out for a while. Then I took her (Ry) down to see this cool model train set they have at the children's hospital. Cool train, sad place. Kids and hospitals just don't "go" together...

When we came back upstairs here Deb was in the hall walking with Mike, Wendy and Rebekah (cool nurse from previous post). Saw Dr. Chow who gave us some prescriptions :-) and then as we were say bye-byes to our visitors, Dr. Wapnir (surgeon) came in. She was very pleased with Deb's progress and said she can go home whenever she's ready.

Bye-bye morphine, hello oral vicodin. If that transition goes smoothly (an hour+ in and all is well -- no pain) then we're free to go. Woo hoo. Not that a hospital bed or 2 chairs pushed together is that bad, but to be home with Ryan in our own bed surrounded by our own stuff....that's what it's all about now. So, we'll see how the next few hours go and then head back to Santa Cruz. And we're both glad about that.

Good day from Stanford,
Howie

Update - Thursday, 8/28

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you know we haven't forgotten about you all...as if..

Deb's doing well; she's impressing everyone (except me, since I expect to be impressed).
She got her catheter out last night (nice) and had her IV taken out of her hand due to pain and our awesome surgeon's nurse Rebekah came in and took care of business; getting the IV done, have the morphine drip added and getting some other prescriptions taken care of. And then we found out she was a Cubs fan to boot...Seriously though, she's been really helpful throughout this all; up to and including a visit this morning.

What else? We've gone for a few walks last night and this morning; just around the floor here, but I can tell it's good for Deb to be up and moving. And then she gets back into bed and rests more. Normally it's not like Deb to fall right asleep but thankfully she's been drifting in and out sleep with relative ease. Thank you hard-core-pharmaceuiticals :-)

Ryan and Wendy are coming up to visit; last night was Ryan's first night EVER away from mommy and dada and while she was sad at times according to Wendy, they made it through the night and I know Deb is very excited to see her. (so am I).

Deb wanted to write & talk on the phone but she's still got to rest. She thanks and loves you all very much.

That's where we're at.
Thanks, Love and GoodVibes flowing from E331B

(Part 3)

I just saw Deb and guess what?
She's BEAUTIFUL!
Duh...

Anyway, she really did look great, especially with all things considered.
Some pain meds were kicking in and she seemed grateful for that.
Now that I've seen and spoken with her I feel better about letting everyone know what we know.

They took about 15 lymph nodes from the right side and 2 have initially tested positive; we might expect more according to the surgeon. They didn't intentionally take any lymph nodes from the left side but due to the amount of tissue removed, they may have gotten some.

Other than that, the doctor felt that the surgery went well.

Right now Deb is resting with a cup of ice chips. We're waiting for a room in the main hospital to open up. So that she can rest I came back out here to the waiting room.

All in all, I think we're both glad to have at least taken the 1st step towards getting past this. Today is a tough day and we're totally getting through it and getting through it with our chins up and heads held high.

For now that's it. Thanks everyone for all the love and support you're showing. So much love and respect for you all....

Howie

(Part 2)

First and foremost, Deb made it through surgery fine.
She's resting and recovering right now.
In the next hour or so they'll move her to a room and we should be able to visit her then.

Expect part 3 later this afternoon...

Today's the day...(part 1)

Hi all,


I'm sitting here in the Ambulatory Surgery Center at the Stanford Cancer Center.
We woke up in the 4 o'clock hour this morning. Left the house by 5 and were here before 6. Palo Alto sunrise from the 3rd floor waiting room.

Deb went into surgery at 7:30 exactly - right on schedule.

We're in good spirits since we both know that we'll make it through this. Somehow I'm not feeling stressed or anxious (that's making me a little nervous I must confess, but...)

They expect the surgery to take about 3 hours, but made sure to promise that they'll take as much time as they need. We saw the surgeon (among other doctors and nurses - one of the anesthesiologists is from MN dontcha know). Dr. Wapnir - the surgeon found us behind the curtain and said she knew it was us - she could tell by the laughter :-) Classic.

So, I'm sitting here, Deb's mom is next to me reading a paper and all is fine.

Ryan was sleeping comfortably with Wendy when we left this morning. We are so grateful to Wendy for coming down from Eureka to help us with Ryan during these few days while Deb will be in the hospital. Ryan and "Woo" are getting along famously :-)

They told us to plan on spending 2 nights here and I'll be with Deb throughout.

We are so touched and moved by the outpouring of love and support from you all. We are so very fortunate to have such amazing, loving people in our world. Seriously; you all rock!

I'll post more later when there's more to post.

I love you - we love you,

Howie

Our contact info...

Hey All,

Some of you have asked for our contact info and the location of where I'm having my surgery. I will be at Stanford Hospital, the web address is:

http://www.stanfordhospital.com/default

Our home address is:

The Finfer Family
317 Pacheco Ave
Santa Cruz, CA 95062

Our home ph # is 831-462-6674

Howie's email: fishbear1@yahoo.com
Howie's cell#: 831-325-5172

Deb's email: fishbear2@yahoo.com
Deb's cell#: 831-428-4302

Please do not feel the need to send flowers, I suspect I'll be pretty out of it, so while I appreciate the sentiment, you REALLY don't have to.

Much love to you all,
Deb

I'm Ready...

I've been meaning to get to this blog for days, but it’s been a little chaotic around here. In addition to all the usual stuff you need to attend to before facing surgery and a decent recovery time, my brother, sister-in-law and nephews came out last week. It was it a really good visit, and a much needed distraction. I'm so glad they came.

So tomorrow is the big day. I actually have to go up to Stanford this afternoon to get some pre-surgery stuff done and then will also have to be there@ 6am tomorrow. I should be at the hospital for 2 nights and then home for the rest of my recovery. It's going to be several weeks before I'm allowed to do much more than lift a gallon of milk, so, after running around after an almost 2-yr-old all day, it’s going to me a while to get used to the down-time. I'm fortunate to have good friends and family who are helping out w/Ryan and helping w/meals and errand-running.

I'm doing ok, in fact, other than the cancer; I've been told I'm a healthy 35 yr old woman. Seriously though, I feel like my head is in the right place and while I don't want to leave Ryan, she's ready. She's completely weaned, she's sleeping through the night, and she's getting more and more comfortable without having me by her side 24/7. I'm ready to just get this over with so we can all move on. I just want to be around to see Ryan's next milestone, hence the anxiety over moving forward.

I'll see my oncologist about 2 weeks after surgery. He'll have the pathology report by then and will assess whether or not I need further treatment i.e. chemo and/or radiation. He suspects I'll need some chemo but since I'm having the double mastectomy, they don't believe I'll need radiation. We shall see.

The good news is that they got my MRI and mammogram results and they don't feel it's spread into the left breast, so that's good. Now all we have to see is whether or not it has spread into my lymph nodes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I found it early and that it hasn't spread yet. Truth be told, it's a fairly decent sized lump and it's also starting to hurt a little, so I can't say I would be all that surprised to find out it did make it into the lymph nodes. What do they say? Expect the worst but hope for the best? Other good news is that after reviewing my chest x-ray and bloodwork, they don’t feel it’s in my bones or elsewhere in my chest. All promising news.

All in all it's just a really weird time in my life. I've never felt so loved, supported and cared about. It's been really nice to know I've got such good friends and family pulling for me. Howie has been amazing. He has been there EVERY step of the way and I honestly don’t know that I could have gotten through even just this part without him. And I have to admit that I’m a little sad that we have to go through this at all. Oh well, nothing like a crisis to pull everyone together and put everything into perspective, right?

I know many of you have sent emails, text messages or left voicemails that I have not had a chance to reply to. Please forgive me, I only have so much time to spend on the computer and phone. I just wanted to acknowledge them (and you). Those calls, text messages and emails mean a great deal to me.

So, my eye is on the prize…get through the surgery, hospital stay, recovery, and then chemo or further treatment if necessary. Then, maybe a few months or maybe a year down line I’ll do some reconstructive surgery. But for now, I’m just going to get through tomorrow and then the day after that and the day after that etc. Thank you all for your love, support, and belief that I will beat this. I am so proud to know you all and so amazed at what a wonderful group of friends and family I’ve been blessed with.

Much Love To You All,
Deb

P.S. Many have you have been asking about the breast cancer t-shirt that Ryan is wearing in the picture on top of this blog. Well, my friend Brigette made it for me and if any of you are interested in having her make one for you or your toddler, I can put you in touch with her.

Chinese Food For Dinner Tonight...

Sorry I haven't had a chance to post till now, we were stuck at Stanford, and then in traffic all day yesterday. And then my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews came in late last night. Anyhow...the visit to Stanford went well. It started with meeting a potential plastic surgeon to go over various reconstructive options and just to feel him out. Going in there I had all but decided to push back the reconstructive surgery, and after talking with Dr. Lee, I feel even more confident that that's the right thing to do. After we met w/Dr. Lee, we then met my breast surgeon, Dr. Wapnir, and signed a consent form to schedule surgery for Wednesday, August 27th. I have decided to have the double mastectomy, and now that the decision has been made, the decision feels right. You know when you're at a restaurant and you're having trouble deciding between 2 things and then order 1 of them and as the waiter walks away, you regret your choice? Well, that didn't happen to me. I gave this a great deal of thought. I talked to a lot of people. I researched as much as I could handle and it might sound like I'm trying to justify my decision but it feels right to me. I just don't think I'm going to be comfortable any other way. Now I can move on to the next hurdle.

I want you all to know something...I don't have an impending sense of doom or like I have a dark cloud following me. I haven't asked "why me?" I just want to get through this, and get back to living a life that I love. That's how it is for me. I'm trying to focus on what's important, and this situation has made it abundantly clear as to what is important to me. Living. Living and my commitment to my life and the people that I love and want more time with. You, reading this.

Sorry I don't have time to write more, there's a lot going on right now. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and love.

Decisions, Decisions…

Ok, as you might have guessed, I’ve been doing A LOT of thinking. I feel like I’m closer to my decision than ever before but also feel like I want more information before I fully commit to anything. And unfortunately there is only so much information I am going to have access to before I have to make my mind up. I’ve got the gene testing today, and tomorrow we go up to Stanford. We’ll first meet with the reconstructive/plastic surgeon in the morning, and then we’re off to an informal meeting with my other surgeon’s nurse coordinator to tentatively schedule the surgery (whatever surgery I decide on) shortly thereafter. Then it’s off to a mammogram and finally an MRI. Friday is going to be a long, busy day but I’m anxious to move forward, if only to put this all behind me.

My gut is still telling me to go w/the double mastectomy. I feel like I should listen to my gut but at the same time, it’s not as though my gut (or any other part of me) has ever gone to medical school…so I have to determine if it is indeed intuition and not fear talking. And even if it is fear talking, will I be comfortable with my decision? I wish there was a way to know whether the cancer has spread before I have to make a decision on what kind of surgery to have. And unfortunately, there’s really no way of them knowing until they’re inside already.

As for the reconstructive surgery, I am almost positive I am going to put it off a few months. I don’t really want implants (a.k.a. fake boobs) but at the same time, it might be easier…at least easier than removing tissue from my tummy and putting in my chest (doing that would create a more realistic silhouette). But that’s a much more serious surgery and a much longer recovery. I say wait on the reconstructive surgery, get over the mastectomy, do the chemo and/or radiation (and we won’t know what I’ll need until they have removed the tumor etc.) and then give myself a few months to gear up for the reconstruction surgery. I guess part of my decision to delay reconstructive surgery has to do with the fact that I’m not ready to leave Ryan for an 8 day hospital visit and a pretty serious recovery period at home. At least not yet. She just started sleeping through the night. We’re working on the entirely new skill (to her at least) of learning how to fall asleep by herself-no rocking or shushing or any parental involvement in the falling asleep process, and that takes time. I don't want to overwhelm her but at the same time I know my health has to be paramount right now. However, as a mother, as many of you know, you tend to put the needs of your child before your own. Anyhow, I also feel like in 6 months to a year, she won’t require being picked up as much and will be in a better sleep routine.

On a brighter note, Ryan and I are doing really well with the weaning. She has her moments of frustration, but she is asking for “mommy milk” less and less. And I must admit, while I’m still having a tough time emotionally, it is getting a little easier physically. I just wasn’t quite ready to stop nursing her. I can’t seem to get over that one, but I will. And Howie put it well when he said I was having a hard time with Ryan developing and growing up so quickly, but I suspect this will be something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life as a mom.

That’s it for now. I promise to let you all know what gets decided and what the results are from all the tests etc., thanks for listening. Love to you all.

Opposites

Did you ever see the Opposites episode of Elmo's World?


That's what weaning Ryan has been reminding me of. It's just like learning to nurse, but the exact opposite. Well, not exactly, but pretty close. If you think learning to do something is hard, just try to stop doing what you worked so hard to master...

Deb and Ryan have made HUGE strides in the past few days. Ry's down to a one-a-day nursing plan and has really been adjusting quite nicely I'm glad to report. So many times I expect her to immediately ask for milk from Deb, and she just doesn't. Like before we go up for bath and bed, normally Deb would nurse her and then I would go upstairs with her. Last night, Deb read a couple books with Ry and then said it was time for night-night and Ryan began the "hug" ritual...this is where she'll walk about half way to the stairs and say "hug" and then run back to Deb for just that. She may do that a half dozen times before actually ascending the stairs. And then yell "bye bye" the whole way up the stairs. So, Ryan's adjusting well, and that's kind of hard for mama...That Ryan is growing and developing so much so quickly....it's awesome. It's cool and exactly what we're working for as parents, but it's sad too. Really makes me think about how little and dependent she was so recently and how much she's not a baby, but more of a little girl now. C-razy! Another "careful what you wish for..." (as if you had a choice in the matter...) Choices - that's a whole other blog topic for the future....

So Ryan fully slept through the night on Friday for the first time ever. We were so excited we got up at 5:45 to celebrate with some breakfast and a big long walk with Jojo.


Oooh, speaking of breakfast, big props to Matty & Jen out in Jersey for the bagels. In the words of my daughter, "Nice. Sweet."


Anyway, these walks with Jojo that I speak of...they are quite therapeutic, for all parties. It's fun for Ryan to sing and snack and point out the sights (stopsigns and fire hydrants get call outs a lot), but the most excitement comes from spotting and shouting "Boat!" and even better, "BIKE!". She loves bikes and spots them everywhere...besides the enjoyment of all that, it's good to get out and enjoy the neighborhood and get the puggle some exercise. She's a much better dog after she gets a couple walks in her.


So, I just wanted to throw some more words out there and let you all know that we're doing fine. Ryan was able to nap this weekend without Deb, which is another huge developmental milestone in my eyes, and I got to share nap time while Deb walked with Jojo. Nice. Sweet. 2 naps for daddy this weekend. Now that's worth blogging about...

I feel I'd be negligent if I didn't thank everyone for their love and support already. We really love and appreciate you all.

Oh and by the way, we had breakfast for dinner last night. ;)

The cancer game show…

First off I just wanted to thank you all for your amazing support, encouragement, and all the love you have shown us over these last few days. Thanks too for the many days, weeks, months, and years of love and friendship preceding them. I feel so incredibly blessed to have so many wonderful people in our world, and while I might not have the time to thank you all individually please know that I am eternally grateful for you, and most appreciative of all the offer(s) to help.

This has been hard on me but I think somehow it’s been harder on some of you. You might think it’s morbid to have thought it, but I just always had this sneaking suspicion I’d eventually develop breast cancer. I don’t want to say I was waiting for it, and I especially wasn’t expecting it to happen at 35, but somehow the diagnosis didn’t shock me. Having said that, I want you all to know that I have every intention of beating this. I am hopeful that it has been found early and is not life-threatening. Either way, I have made up my mind to get through it, and I have to echo my mom here, there is no other choice for me. 23 years ago I watched my mom courageously battle and beat this disease. 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer. I am empowered by technology, friendship, love, and hope.

My biggest obstacle right now is all the decisions that need to be made. There are so many options and let’s face it, “options” I’m comfortable with, decisions not so much…especially when there’s such finality behind the most of the decisions. I thought I knew what I wanted but after speaking with the surgeon today, and her throwing a plethora of options at me, well, now I’m not so sure. I don’t want to overreact. I want to be comfortable with the decision I make AND have it be medically justified. No one is telling me what to do, which is good in a way, but it’s also very intimidating. I don’t want to make a choice out of fear but then again my instinct is telling me to go for the mastectomy. I am 35 years old, when I get over this, I am going to have a lot of years left, and I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s as if I’m on some kind of twisted cancer game show, and the host is looking at me and asking if this is my final answer.

Basically the survival/success rates of having a lumpectomy (partial removal of the breast tissue in addition to the tumor) vs. mastectomy (removal of the entire breast) are basically neck and neck. The issue lies in whether or not the cancer has spread, which unfortunately they won’t know until they actually get in there, remove the tumor, and biopsy the lymph nodes. My feeling is that I should not make a decision just because I’m scared and ignore all the data. Howie and I have spent a lot of time talking and going over our options. We haven’t made any decisions yet, and probably won’t until we get the results from the MRI, gene testing, and a consultation with a plastic surgeon regarding breast re-construction surgery. We meet with the plastic surgeon next Friday; I’ll also have a bi-lateral MRI that same day. I am also going to be tested for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes (short for BReast CAncer Gene 1 and 2). Mutation of these genes is associated with an increased risk of breast and ovarian cancers. Men and women with altered versions of BRCA1 or BRCA2 are at a higher risk of developing breast cancer compared to men and women who have normal BRCA genes. However, only 4 to 9 percent of breast cancer diagnoses made each year are thought to be inherited, and only a fraction of these cases have been linked to BRCA gene mutations. So really, even testing positively for the gene will only tell me so much and may or may not influence my decision to have the mastectomy. And if I do decide on the mastectomy, I have to figure out exactly what kind of mastectomy I want and what kind of reconstructive surgery I want as well. Whatever I decide, I promise to keep you all updated on any decisions we make and any information we get from the various doctors.

For the most part I am ok, not with cancer, but with the getting through every day. However, having to wean Ryan has been pretty brutal…on both of us. My good friend Sam said it best, “I’m trying to break the habit without breaking her heart,” or mine, and needless to say, it’s been a very emotional week. I was planning on weaning Ryan eventually, like when she’s 12, but I suspect that I am grieving for her babyhood, and was having a hard time letting go of it. I worked so hard to nurse, and I guess a part of me really resents the fact that I have to stop now, and that it’s not by my own choosing. It’s also at an accelerated rate, and with every other emotion so heightened by the cancer diagnosis, it’s been difficult to say the least.

I apologize for the length of this post but most of this has been on my mind and I have to admit it’s been very therapeutic to get it all out and be able to go over it again without other thoughts interrupting.

Before I sign off I wanted to address a couple of your emailed questions in one forum. Comments on this blog are not only appreciated, poured (and sometimes cried) over, but they are highly anticipated and greatly welcomed. They also help in more ways than one…comments allow me to not feel so overwhelmed by individual emails (or phone calls), although you are welcome to send those too, it’s just that I am finding it difficult to write or call back everyone in a timely manner and this blog allows me to just spit it out in one sitting. Granted, it’s very stream of consciousness but if you’re reading this and know Howie and me, you shouldn’t be surprised by that. Anyhow, if you would like to comment, and we definitely encourage it, scroll to the bottom of the post you want to respond to, in very tiny lettering below our sign off, you will see “Posted by Deb at 12:15PM 21 comments.” Click on the 21 comments and you will be able to post your own. Also, some of you have offered up friends and or colleagues for me to talk to, various suggestions, and general encouragement. All I can say to that is keep em coming. I can’t promise I’ll call every person but I will do what I can and suspect I will be looking into cancer support groups, but I’m not there just yet.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for listening, and thank you for making me feel so incredibly loved. I am so touched by your support, and appreciate each and every one of you. I’ll be in touch again soon.

First Post

Hi Everyone.

I created this blog so that we can communicate our happenings with you, the people that we know, love and want to keep in the loop.

As you may or may not yet know, Deb was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on August 1. Yes, Jerry Day will be forever scarred in our memories.

Here's how I remember it thus far. Some weeks back, Deb told me she felt a lump in her right breast. She let me feel it. It felt lumpy. Her primary care physician advised her to go through a cycle and see if it diminished; possibly a clogged milk duct. After her period, when the lump was still there, she need to get an ultrasound. Can't mammogram a nursing mom. Ultrasound showed that it needed to be checked more.
Thursday, July 30 we went to Dominican Breast Center in Santa Cruz where they attempted to aspirate the lump with a needle. The goal here is to pull liquid from the lump. If they were able to that would have proven that the lump was not solid, but no liquid came out. Next step is to biopsy the tissue. They use a larger needle and take what's called a "core biopsy". The results were to take 48 business hours. i.e. Monday we'd know more.

Friday, Aug 1 we went to meet old Slavin family friends, the DeCuir's (sorry, might be spelled wrong, but certainly not out of disrespect) at the SanFrancisco Zoo. We were having an enjoyable enough visit when my phone vibrated from an unfamiliar number. Normally I don't answer those calls, but saw it was from the 831 and decided to pick it up. It was Dr. Herman, our primary care physician asking if we were in town - she wanted to come to the house. Instantly I'm asking what's up and she only said that she didn't want to talk on the phone and to call her when we get home and not to mention anything to Deb. Ugh.
So we drove from the Zoo down highway 1...Deb drove, I sat in the back seat not saying much staring at the ocean. When we got home, I called Dr. Herman who was knocking on our door less than 15 minutes later. She apologized for the bad news she was delivering, but once she found out, couldn't let us wait until Monday to hear this news from the radiologist, who we have no relationship with. Above and beyond the call of duty - making a house call after 6pm on a Friday.

We took the rest of the weekend in stride as much as possible and went to meet Oncologist, Dr. Yen on Monday afternoon. He is young and was very communicative and clear (and wore one of the nicest business shirt I've ever come close to touching ;-) Anyway, he went over our treatment options with us and answered our questions. He's referred us to a surgeon at Stanford, with whom we'll meet tomorrow morning at 9:15 to solidify our situation and scheduling for treating this.

For the most part, we're in good spirits. We'll put our heads down and beat this thing. Every single day. Almost immediately Deb has had to begun weaning Ryan....first by eliminating the night feedings and at this point, Ryan is only nursing right before bed and right when she wakes up. It's unfortunate that we're forced to wean, and at a rather stressful time, but we're all glad that Deb's been able to supply nutritious mama-milk for almost 2 years. I can't begin to communicate how proud I am of her (and Ryan) for learning to nurse and sticking with it EVERY DAY for so long. Ryan is lucky to have such a dedicated maternal figure in her world.

Besides our obvious concern for Deb's health is our concern for how this will effect Ryan - not just in her future as a girl and woman, but how this time of adversity will undoubtedly create a more unsettled world for her in the coming days. We'll do what we have to do and are very fortunate to have an excellent support group of family and friends and an amazing roll model in Deb's Mom so close to us. Many of you may know that Diana herself is a Breast Cancer survivor of over 20 years. Inspiration indeed.

The purpose of this blog is so that Deb doesn't need to tell the same thing to a bunch of people everyday - we love that you're all concerned and interested, but this will be a better method for us to make sure everyone is in the loop throughout this time. My hope is that eventually this space becomes one where we can share the cool awesome fun things that we do as a family. I look forward to many posts about how many ducks we fed at the pond and what we ate for dinner last night, etc...but until then, it's our space to share our happenings, thoughts, plans, feelings and observations with you all.