Seven Months and Four Days Later

Today is a milestone.
Sometimes it's a challenge to muster even a smile as an acknowledgment of a feat accomplished. That was the case today. While definitely (and don't underestimate the definitive qualities of that "definitely") relieved to be complete with the toxic infusion portion of the program, it's a bittersweet victory; if one could even call it that.

Doing what needs to be done has been the name of the game for more than a half dozen moons. The cumulative effects of everything (and don't underestimate the all-encompassingness of that "everything") has Deb (us all, really) craving, more than ever, the normal that once was - as if we were ever what anyone would consider "normal".

Enough pontification...here's the scoop:

Today, Deb got her final administration of Taxol. She's now been through 24 weeks of receiving chemo infusions. As the time has passed, we've adapted into this new normal, which consists of Deb resting A LOT, and Ryan spending more and more time with her Nini; and both of them are loving the opportunity to bond every morning and then some. All of that, combined with the winter rains have made for a rough bunch of weeks around here. I continue to tangent. Let me talk about Deb and her treatment; where it is and where it's going....

Next week she'll get a CT scan so they can map out the points to radiate. 2 weeks after that she'll begin radiation therapy. This is a really high powered, very focused laser kind of thing that blasts the specific area of the tumor and inflicted lymph nodes. It's like 10 minutes a day, every weekday for 5 1/2 weeks. The treatment is very different from the chemo therapy as the radiation is extremely localized; hence no full body pain/sickness. There are side effects however, which include skin burns or rashes,swelling, scar tissue, and continued exhaustion. I'm sure some of you (Jennie B) know WAY more about this than us, but that's the gist of it.

As for the residual effects of the chemo. The doctor this morning said that it's likely that Deb won't feel at full strength for some months yet, but it's a relief to know that as I type this we have no plans of infusing her with more toxic chemicals - just radioactive material...what a relief.

In addition to the radiation therapy, Deb will receive Herceptin, a hormone infusion, every 3 weeks for the next 10 months.

To sum up the past seven plus months, we've gone through biopsies, diagnosis, surgery, recovery from surgery and chemo. Still left to be done is radiate and hormonicize and live and love for years to come.

We're very much looking forward to a time when we're not feeling so stretched thin; physically, emotionally, financially...it's really affecting our lives through and through, and we're concerned (obviously) about how the ill effects of this is treating Ryan during this most developmental period of her childhood. It's the only life I know, I wouldn't trade it for anything - I love my daughter more than anything in this (or any other) world and it brings tears to my eyes that she has to see us being put through the most rigorous test of our lives. It's more frustrating than words can spell to watch your offspring watch you in what you can be certain is not your most flattering moment (after moment, after moment). I'm sure it's something all parents go through, as no life is without hurdles, but I can't help but be self-centered here - all about me, all about my family...hello?

I guess I should blog more and I wouldn't feel like I need to sit and tell you all every little thing that happened in the past however long it's been since I've posted. But frankly, free time is a luxury not known much around these parts lately.

We're exhausted, tired of this whole thing, but we're persisting and getting beyond every hurdle thrown at us. Deb made it through chemo so swiftly - never missing a treatment due to low levels; having horrifying side effects yes, but no hospitalizations...perspective is so key. And I'm trying with all of my might to put exhaustion and situational frustration aside and continue to maintain a positive outlook for many more happy years with my family. It's going to be really nice when the regular visits to the doctor are behind us and we can take a well needed vacation. Until then, I'll settle for the end of the winter rains - the hills are green and I'm ready to be spending more time outside without getting soaked.

So, with all that, I want to throw a big ol' jumbo hug out there to anyone putting their eyes on these words....We all love you so much, and love that you're out there thinking good, positive, healing vibes towards us. Thanks to each of you for your friendship and support always.