I'm Ready...

I've been meaning to get to this blog for days, but it’s been a little chaotic around here. In addition to all the usual stuff you need to attend to before facing surgery and a decent recovery time, my brother, sister-in-law and nephews came out last week. It was it a really good visit, and a much needed distraction. I'm so glad they came.

So tomorrow is the big day. I actually have to go up to Stanford this afternoon to get some pre-surgery stuff done and then will also have to be there@ 6am tomorrow. I should be at the hospital for 2 nights and then home for the rest of my recovery. It's going to be several weeks before I'm allowed to do much more than lift a gallon of milk, so, after running around after an almost 2-yr-old all day, it’s going to me a while to get used to the down-time. I'm fortunate to have good friends and family who are helping out w/Ryan and helping w/meals and errand-running.

I'm doing ok, in fact, other than the cancer; I've been told I'm a healthy 35 yr old woman. Seriously though, I feel like my head is in the right place and while I don't want to leave Ryan, she's ready. She's completely weaned, she's sleeping through the night, and she's getting more and more comfortable without having me by her side 24/7. I'm ready to just get this over with so we can all move on. I just want to be around to see Ryan's next milestone, hence the anxiety over moving forward.

I'll see my oncologist about 2 weeks after surgery. He'll have the pathology report by then and will assess whether or not I need further treatment i.e. chemo and/or radiation. He suspects I'll need some chemo but since I'm having the double mastectomy, they don't believe I'll need radiation. We shall see.

The good news is that they got my MRI and mammogram results and they don't feel it's spread into the left breast, so that's good. Now all we have to see is whether or not it has spread into my lymph nodes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I found it early and that it hasn't spread yet. Truth be told, it's a fairly decent sized lump and it's also starting to hurt a little, so I can't say I would be all that surprised to find out it did make it into the lymph nodes. What do they say? Expect the worst but hope for the best? Other good news is that after reviewing my chest x-ray and bloodwork, they don’t feel it’s in my bones or elsewhere in my chest. All promising news.

All in all it's just a really weird time in my life. I've never felt so loved, supported and cared about. It's been really nice to know I've got such good friends and family pulling for me. Howie has been amazing. He has been there EVERY step of the way and I honestly don’t know that I could have gotten through even just this part without him. And I have to admit that I’m a little sad that we have to go through this at all. Oh well, nothing like a crisis to pull everyone together and put everything into perspective, right?

I know many of you have sent emails, text messages or left voicemails that I have not had a chance to reply to. Please forgive me, I only have so much time to spend on the computer and phone. I just wanted to acknowledge them (and you). Those calls, text messages and emails mean a great deal to me.

So, my eye is on the prize…get through the surgery, hospital stay, recovery, and then chemo or further treatment if necessary. Then, maybe a few months or maybe a year down line I’ll do some reconstructive surgery. But for now, I’m just going to get through tomorrow and then the day after that and the day after that etc. Thank you all for your love, support, and belief that I will beat this. I am so proud to know you all and so amazed at what a wonderful group of friends and family I’ve been blessed with.

Much Love To You All,
Deb

P.S. Many have you have been asking about the breast cancer t-shirt that Ryan is wearing in the picture on top of this blog. Well, my friend Brigette made it for me and if any of you are interested in having her make one for you or your toddler, I can put you in touch with her.